Roots and Rifts
by wread
Summary: Hellboy, Kate and Abe sort out an experimental power plant that is acting up and a series of abductions by spicy little monsters, while indulging in much witty repartee.
1. Chapter 1

1.

The delectable aroma of shrimp ramen filled the apartment as Janine, half-beer in hand, opened the door to the microwave and liberated her dinner. She snagged a spoon en route to the table. As she blew on the hot noodles, she pondered the merits of adding soy sauce. It was already very salty. But soy sauce really made the thing, and the rest of her beer would help kill the salt. Maybe helped by some celery? There was a somewhat elderly clump in the bottom of the fridge. It seemed willing.

Resolved, she tore open a little packet of soy sauce, then felt a thump. It was as though something had hit the floor under her feet. Then another thump. Janine stopped and held perfectly still, soy sauce trickling from the torn packet. She pressed her sock-clad feet flat against the floor, feeling. And the floor moved again. This time it didn't stop. It reminded her of an unbalanced dryer shaking the floor downstairs. But she was already in the basement of her building, and the laundromat was down the street.

The vibrations in the floor were getting stronger. An earthquake? In New Mexico? Her basement apartment was good against tornadoes, but probably not earthquakes. She turned her chair, soy sauce in hand, and saw the tan carpet in front of the TV bulge upwards into a mound, overturning a chair. A rip, and a small lumpy head protruded from the lump in a cloud of dust. It was humanoid, about the size of a cantaloupe, and covered with sand and gray cement powder. Soy sauce spurted from the packet as the creature revolved to face her. She saw that the face had no eyes. The thing emerged from the hole and stood, regarding her silently.

Within seconds, more of the same creatures came up through the hole. Except for the first one, they paid her no attention. They were all variations on the same stubby gray theme, like bristly, lumpy monkeys. As more emerged from the hole, they silently and quickly clambered atop the ones already in the room. The apartment had a low ceiling, and when the creature at the top of the pile reached it, it began to scrape with its fingers. Dust and splinters rained down around them. In seconds the creature disappeared through a hole in the ceiling.

As a torrent of creatures streamed out of the hole and up the living ladder through the ceiling, Janine returned the eyeless stare of the first creature out of the hole. It had not moved, and she could see that it did not breathe. None of the creatures made a sound, or even opened their mouths, if they had mouths.

Then she heard the shots. The apartment above hers was unoccupied, and so they must have been from the one above that. One, two, and then many in quick succession. Then the screaming began. She gripped her sauce packet with white knuckles. The flow of creatures reversed, now coming down from above and back into the floor. Then she saw Hamid, the guy from two floors up. He was wrapped in wet pink sheets - plastic, or some sort of membrane. His head was sticking out and as the creatures carrying him tipped him down headfirst to go into the hole, he made eye contact with her. "Help! Help me!" he shrieked. Then he was gone.

Within seconds, all of the gray creatures were gone as well. They poured down through the hole like water down a drain. All that remained was a cloud of plaster dust hanging in the air. Janine moved for the first time since the thing had come through the floor, and walked over to the hole. She could see the dust in the air streaming down, and realized that air was being sucked downwards into it. There was a lot of space down there. She took a deep breath and walked to the door, put on her shoes and left. On the way to 7-11 she realized the sauce packet was still in her hand. She licked off her fingers as she walked.


	2. Chapter 2

2.

Kate Corrigan maneuvered the rented Lumina into a tight parking place, craning her neck to see. "This thing is a bus," she commented.

Hellboy sat in the passenger seat behind her, his legs stretched out diagonally so that his feet were nearly in the front passenger seat - the reason they had rented the minivan. "Buses are good. That's why they keep making them. Hey, how did this nurse know to call us?" he asked.

"She read my book," said Kate. "Plus I think she might be a fan of yours."

"Hmm," grunted Hellboy. "Perceptive woman." Kate shot him a look as they climbed out of the minivan. "I mean, she bought your book, right?"

"Probably got it at the library" said Kate. "I don't think anyone has actually bought it."

"Abe did," said Hellboy. There was a silence from Kate. "I looked at Abe's," he explained sheepishly. "Oh, hang on." He took off his holstered pistol and put it back in the van, wedging it under the seat. He moved an empty Arby's bag to occlude it from view. "No guns in the copshop. OK, lets go."

They walked into the jail and met Ms. Kinney, the head labor and delivery nurse who had called Kate about a problem with one of their nurses. "Hello Ms. Corrigan... hello Hellboy." She gave the world's foremost paranormal investigator a shy smile. "I'm so glad you could come. I hope this doesn't turn out to be a false alarm,"

Kate shook her head. "No, I think your instincts were good." A policeman came over to accompany them to the cell where the nurse in question was being held.

As they walked, Ms. Kinney told them the rest of the story. "So you know, this is really the first incident of any sort with her. Nurse Elg has had a perfect record - perfect attendance, no sick days, no complaints - almost too good. Plus she has worked for us 23 years. Then one of the orderlies caught her rubbing something on a newborn - some sort of ritual." She handed a small jar to Kate, who opened it and took a sniff. "The lab says its butter."

"Smells like butter," said Kate.

"Buttered babies," grunted Hellboy with a frown.

Kate passed the butter over to Hellboy. "Did Nurse Elg have any special duties? Anything else set her apart?

Ms. Kinney bit her lip, thinking, then shook her head. "No, standard L&D stuff. She was very good. She would do some training of new hires - her seniority, you know. Oh, she would take care of the fingernails on the newborns. Really she was the only one who did, since she worked just about every day. We would call her just for that, even if it wasn't her assignment. Those nails are really sharp when they come out, and the babies scratch themselves."

"Baby fingernail clipper," said Hellboy.

"Actually," said Ms. Kinney, "the newborns are too little for a clipper. She would bite the fingernails off."

"Baby fingernail biter," said Hellboy, looking over at Kate. "That's more interesting."

They stopped in front of an interrogation room and the officer with them unlocked the door. Inside, Nurse Elg sat nervously behind a table. Hellboy and Kate looked at her. It was obvious that she was not human. She was sitting boosted up on two phone books, all of four feet tall, with wide set violet eyes, olive skin, and pointed ears peeking out from her pulled-back hair. Kate looked questioningly at Ms. Kinney, who shrugged. "She told us she was Albanian," she explained. "They're short over there. Plus she has an accent."

Nurse Elg gasped at Hellboy's entrance, shrinking away from him in fear. Hellboy held up his left hand – the small one. "We're not going to hurt you."

Kate regarded Elg appraisingly. " You're a fairie, right? A _Zana_?"

Elg's eyes darted between them, then a quick nod. "Knew it!" said Ms. Kinney under her breath.

Hellboy looked at a chair, then circled the table and crouched down next to Elg, his head lower than hers. "I heard something about butter. Baby butter."

"I meant her no harm," blurted the fairie. "It was to protect her!"

"Protect her against what?" asked Kate.

"The bite of a wild beast," answered Elg, looking away.

"The bite of a wild beast?" said Kate. "What use is that?"

"Spoken like one who doesn't get bitten much," said Hellboy.

"Its just that it seems like a strange thing to protect a baby from. What wild beasts would get into a hospital nursery?"

"She would have been protected for thirty-three years against the bite of a wild beast," said Elg, earnestly. "It was what I saw she might need."

"That sounds great to me," said Hellboy. He produced the jar of butter from his coat and looked it over. "This butter does the trick?"

Elg scowled at him. "You are too big."

Hellboy put the butter on the table, nodding in resignation. "I figured it would be something."

"And too old."

"Yep, got it. Beasts are gonna bite me."

Kate slid the jar of butter across the table to Elg, who grabbed it and clutched it possessively. "Do you give protection to each of the babies you care for?"

The fairy shook her head. "Not all," she said. "Only when it is in my power, and I can see the need. One I protect from being sickened by a bad fish. One I protect from having her sight blocked by her flying hair. One I charmed so his heel would not slip on a snowy hill. One I protect from his coat catching on a thorn."

Hellboy muttered "Biting beast vaccine has trump in that bunch, I think."

Kate looked at the fairy. Of course one could never know for sure, but she seemed sincere. She looked closer. There was something else. "Elg... are you expecting?"

Hellboy sat up. "Kate, she's a fairy."

Elg wrapped her arms around her belly. "Yes." She was quiet, and then her face crumpled. "But now he will never be born," she sobbed.

Hellboy looked at Elg then at Kate, taken aback. "Kate, I thought that fairies couldn't – I mean that's why they steal…" He looked over at Ms. Kinney and cut the comment short.

Kate leaned closer to Elg. "The fingernails. That's why you eat the fingernails."

The fairy nodded sorrowfully. "Yes. And in exchange I gave the little ones protection, when I could. And I was so close. And now I will never have enough."

"Enough...fingernails." Hellboy slid back in his chair. "Well, I don't know about that," said Hellboy. "Seems to me that you're a fine nurse. Good attendance, protecting against beast bites, all of it." He turned to Kate, then to Ms. Kinney. "Seems like this was just a misunderstanding. I don't know why she shouldn't go back to work."

Kate looked at Hellboy. "That makes sense to me,"

Nurse Kinney stood up. "Lets talk outside."

Out in the hall it was clear that Nurse Kinney was not at all keen about having Elg return to work. She pursed her lips. "Have that … thing come back to work as a nurse? I don't think so!"

"Things aren't always as they appear," said Hellboy. His tail tapped Ms. Kinney's shoe, making her jump. "You can't judge a book by its cover. Look at me." He smiled a somewhat fearsome smile at her. Kate winced, but it seemed to have done the trick with Ms. Kinney. She smiled back at the Worlds Foremost Paranormal Detective.

"I've got an idea," said Kate. "You write her a good letter of recommendation. She can go to work somewhere else. A good nurse can always get hired. We'll keep an eye on her. You can chalk this whole thing up to cultural differences."

Miss Kinney nodded slowly. "Really, she is a good nurse. And fairies can be good, right?"

"Sure they can," said Kate. "Just like people - they come in all kinds. But generally they play by the rules."

"Fairy rules," said Hellboy under his breath.

"Let me talk to the police," said Ms. Kinney. "I'll come up with something. I'll write the letter, just as you say. Probably she'll need to go to a new city - she's been with us so long that if she just moves across town the union will have questions."

"We can help with that too," said Kate.

As they parted at the front of the police station, Miss Kinney put a hand on Hellboy's arm. "I'm glad everything worked out. And I am so thrilled I got to meet you. Your life must be so exciting. Can you tell me what it's like to fight monsters?"

Hellboy nodded sagely. "It's a lot like not fighting monsters. But it hurts more." He gave her a wink.

Ms. Kinney beamed. "Real quick, I wonder if you would give me an autograph?" She produced a back issue of Parade magazine from her purse, the one from 1994 with Hellboy on the cover. Hellboy rummaged around in his coat and found a black Magic Marker. "BE SAFE – HELLBOY".

On the way to the Lumina Kate smirked at Hellboy. "I think she liked you,"

"Which one?" asked Hellboy.

Kate threw him a shoulder, caroming off the red giant without evident effect. "Kinney you dope!"

"Of course she did. I'm a charmer."

Elg the fairy nurse came running out into the parking lot. She was surprisingly fast despite her very short legs. "Wait! Wait!" Kate and Hellboy stopped. "I am so grateful to you. Because of you my child will be born. I want to give you something in thanks."

"Beast bite butter?" asked Hellboy hopefully.

The fairy shook her head. "I can see things that have not yet come to pass. I can show you something of your future."

Hellboy shook his head, but before he could speak Kate put a hand on him. Elg wanted so badly to give something to them it was palpable. "Show us," said Kate.

Hellboy rolled his eyes. "Here we go...", he muttered.

Elg nodded happily. She took a pack of Lucky Strikes out of her purse, lit one, and inhaled the entire thing with one long drag, producing raised eyebrows from Kate and Hellboy. Then she blew the smoke at them slowly. As the cloud moved towards them, Kate and Hellboy could see figures moving within it. The cloud grew and it became clear that one of the figures was Hellboy. But he was white. "What is that white stuff?" asked Kate as the smoke enveloped her.

"I look like a mime, "said Hellboy.

Hellboy was fighting, slapping men aside with his stone hand. The men were in uniform. American army uniforms. By his side was Kate. She was drenched in blood, and carrying a severed human head. As the smoke began to dissipate, a pack of monsters surged past Hellboy and fell upon the soldiers. Then the vision ended.

Kate stood, stunned. Elg smiled at them hopefully. "Thanks," said Hellboy curtly. "That was great." Elg gave Kate and Hellboy each a hug, then scampered off to her car. It was an enormous white Dodge Aurora.

Kate seemed shellshocked. "I was carrying a head."

"Will be carrying a head," corrected Hellboy. He watched the Aurora drive past. "Nice ride. She must have the pedals built up in that thing."

Kate still stared at the place the smoke cloud had been. "I was covered in blood."

"Yeah," said Hellboy. "But as visions go, I was ready for worse. So Kate: from now on, you see a head, leave it alone. Don't pick it up. Easy. And I won't slap around soldiers or do any mime." He squinted at his pager. "Hey, Abe paged me with something. You got that mobile phone?"


	3. Chapter 3

3.

Hellboy looked at the bowl of ramen on the table. He poked a finger in and tasted it. "Cold," he pronounced. "Could use soy sauce."

Abe nodded once with his typical serious demeanor. "This happened about four hours ago. An abduction."

Hellboy pursed his lips. "Really? Space aliens?"

"Probably not," said Abe. "It seems they came up from a hole in the ground."

Hellboy walked over to the living room. "That explains this hole in the ground."

Kate walked in with a young woman. The woman eyed the hole in her living room floor, giving it a wide berth.

"Hi," said Hellboy. "Thanks for coming back. I know you already told Abe here, but would you tell me what you saw?"

Janine kept her eyes on the hole. "Yeah, sure. I was going to eat my dinner. Then the floor shook, and then gray aliens dug their way out of the ground, and made a pyramid."

Hellboy gave Abe a look. "You hear that, Abe? Aliens." He looked around. "Did they take it with them?"

Abe spoke up. "A human pyramid. Or alien pyramid. Like cheerleaders do."

Hellboy nodded. "Right. Cheerleaders. Then what?"

Janine pointed at the hole through the ceiling. "They dug a hole through there, and then I heard shots. Then they brought that guy down, and that was that."

Abe looked at the hole in the floor. "A tight squeeze."

"They had him wrapped up in pink sheets," explained Janine.

"We need a daschund. Or Rotorooter," Hellboy said with a grunt as he lay on the floor. A breeze still blew gently downwards. He reached his right hand down into the hole to the shoulder, feeling around.

"You might get bit," said Kate.

"Anything bites me, its gonna get grabbed. Then we'll see what it is." He came up with a handful of sand and gravel. He showed it to Abe, who shook his head. Hellboy released the gravel back into the hole. "Hm. Lets go upstairs."

Up three floors at the entrance to the apartment, Abe lifted the police tape and allowed Hellboy and Kate to duck underneath. Inside, it was uncluttered and neat. A large TV occupied one wall, its screen hazed with white plaster dust. "Big TV," observed Hellboy. "What does this guy do?"

Abe examined a bullet hole near the window. "He's an electrical engineer. He's only been in town 3 months."

"How about that cheerleader connection?" Hellboy picked out a videotape which depicted cheerleaders, then quickly put it back with raised eyebrows. "Or not." He looked sideways at Kate. "Maybe he was a random. Aliens like them random. How many bullet holes did you find, Abe?"

Abe pointed to the window. "Just this one. From a 38 revolver, which the police took. Six casings. He emptied it."

Hellboy pointed at the floor. "He must have hit them. At least one of them." indicating the hole. "But no blood."

"So why him?" asked Kate. "If they wanted people, why pass by the lady downstairs?"

"Nothing wrong with her," agreed Hellboy. "You're right, Kate. Smells like a hit."

"Yeah, but why?" Kate looked over the lone shelf of books, half empty. "Not much of a reader, this one. That would be against him dabbling in ancient lore."

"Maybe his buddy dabbles," said Hellboy. Or his boss. Abe, remember that shaman guy in the Philippines?"

"The squid god worshipper?" asked Abe.

"No, no, the dabbler. His dabbling offed about half his village before people got wise."

"That's because the squid people got them," said Abe. "Same guy."

"Was it?" asked Hellboy. "I thought those squid people only liked the chicks. But anyway, same principle. I say we find this guy's boss, and if no luck then his uncles."

Kate returned from the bedroom with an ID badge. "Dimension power. It even has the address."

Hellboy was eyeing Abe's motorcycle helmet. "Say Abe, what say I take your cycle there. You can ride with Kate."

Abe hesitated. "Do you think that's safe?"

Hellboy looked at Kate. "She rented a Lumina. It has airbags."

"No, I mean the cycle, and you."

Hellboy tried on the helmet, which did not fit over his horns. "I don't think the cops will stop me if I don't have it on."

Abe gently took the helmet back. "I mean other people on the road. That problem in Istanbul?"

"Oh, that." Hellboy thought for a minute. "Some of them were zombies, you know."

"Maybe later tonight," said Abe, putting a hand on Hellboy's shoulder. "Let's go."


	4. Chapter 4

4.

Abe's cycle pulled up beside the rented Lumina outside Dimension Power, which occupied a series of Quonset huts outside town. The campus occupied land adjacent to a decommissioned nuclear reactor. They were met by an employee who showed them in. Despite the late hour there was a fair amount obviously going on, with helmeted construction crews working by electrical light on a tower nearby as well as within the building.

"It's terrible about Hamid," said the man who had come out to meet them. He was thin, with dark curly hair and the beginnings of a beard. "I understand he was abducted? That is the freakiest!"

"It is freaky," agreed Abe.

"I've seen freakier," said Hellboy. "But not locally."

"So Munir," said Kate, reading his badge,. "What goes on here at Dimension?"

"It's a power plant. It's going to use a new technology. You see the old nuke plant on your way in? That sand-cooled technology they used never really got going, but all the power lines are in place. And we're going to use them. We're going to provide clean energy for the Southwest!"

"Clean energy, eh." said Hellboy. "What are you getting it from? Sun? Moon?"

"Windmills?" asked Abe.

"Ancient artifact?" asked Kate.

Abe nodded. Hellboy pointed a finger at Kate. "Yes! Good thinking Kate! I can see how that would go. Some of those things are full of energy."

Munir looked quizzically at them. "I'm not following you. What things are these?"

"Just ancient things, full of energy." said Hellboy. "They turn up."

"What sort of things?" pressed Munir. "I don't know about this. Batteries?"

Hellboy thought for a second. "Generally bad things." He thought more then turned to Abe. "What sort of things?" Abe started to speak but Hellboy interrupted. "Like a glowing jewel that fell out of the head of a mummified whale! You remember that thing Abe!"

"I do," said Abe phlegmatically. "That was what I was going to say."

"You cooked wieners and beans on that thing. They turned out great! Too bad we had to shoot it into the sun."

Munir frowned, trying to follow the story. "Sounds like something radioactive. How did you shoot it into the sun?"

"It actually didn't get all the way to the sun," said Abe.

Hellboy frowned. "It didn't? Why…"

Kate cut Hellboy off. "Let's save that for a minute. I gather that is a new concept for you, Munir, so no ancient artifacts. How does your plant work? Fusion?"

"That would be sweet," said Munir, "but no. Actually windmill was probably the closest. What we have is very like a windmill. It is going to revolutionize power generation!"

Abe looked around, seeing no windmills. "Are they very small?"

"Actually it's inside," said Munir. "Come with me."

They made their way through the Quonset hut to a series of pipes and wires set up in large frame. Smaller wires traversed the opening in a net like arrangements. There was a faint hum and an occasional pop of green light. Munir beamed. "It's not even on. When this powers up we are going to be rich! Forget nuclear! This is going to revolutionize the industry!" Workers were setting up swaths of carbon fiber along the side of an adjacent machine and running blue wires along overhead conduits.

Hellboy examined one of the conduits. He picked up some carbon fiber sheathing then set it down. He looked at a three ring binder. He looked at Abe.

"Let's check the uncles," said Abe. Hellboy grunted and turned to leave.

"Wait a second," said Kate. "So Hamid, where does the power come from? This doesn't look like a windmill."

Hellboy looked at Abe. "She has a point."

Hamid gestured at the frame. "Well maybe a waterwheel is a better analogy. If you have high water, it can turn a wheel on the way to low water. The potential energy of the water can be captured and turned into mechanical energy – like turning a mill. Or electrical energy like a dam. Hey – do you know Casimir forces? They're not homogenous. So here we have an adjacent dimension with a higher energy state, or density. If we open a small connection, we can harness the difference as electricity!"

Hellboy had been sidling toward the door but stopped at this last. "Adjacent dimension. That sounds like something. So where is this dimension?"

Hamid gestured to the frame. "I'm not sure _where_ is really the term. Are you familiar with string theory?

"No, but I have a handle on waterwheels. What if there are sharks in your water?"

"Pardon?" said Hamid.

"Sharks," pressed Hellboy. "In the river. What does that do to the waterwheel?

"Sharks live in the ocean," said Abe. "Alligators?"

"Right. Alligators."

"I guess they would go over the wheel," said Hamid. "Probably they would make good energy – alligators are heavier than water. But I don't think that happens too much. I think the alligators would swim away. Plus this isn't a lake full of alligators we're talking about. It's more a state than a place."

"Florida is a state," observed Abe.

"I know exactly what you mean," said Hellboy. "That three headed albino alligator from Pensacola." Abe nodded solemnly.

Kate was looking over the frame. "So tapping an adjacent dimension. Suppose I live underneath the Pacific ocean. I could open a pinhole and put up a waterwheel. That's fine as long as it stays a pinhole. If that hole starts to get bigger, you have more problems than alligators."

Munir waved his hands. "True for any energy technology! Nuclear meltdown – same thing, but radioactive. There are spillways on dams to handle this. You bleed off the extra. We thought of that too. It's under control. We're cleared to go by the feds."

Hellboy paced around in thought then circled back to the group.. "Ok, eyes on the prize. This is nice but I don't see the alien cheerleader connection, and no alligators either."

Abe felt his belt, which was buzzing. He extracted a pager from one pouch then looked up. "Another one."

Kate put a hand on Munir's shoulder. "Thank you very much for the tour and good luck. We'll be in touch." She handed him a card with the sword in fist logo of the BPRD then jogged to keep up with Abe and Hellboy as they headed back to the parking lot.


	5. Chapter 5

5.

The BPRD team arrived at a small neighborhood bar, the exterior lit red by the cherries on the patrol cars outside. A small crowd milled around outside the adjacent apartments. Abe spoke briefly with a uniformed officer, then returned to Hellboy and Kate. He pointed up at the window. "Same MO. Up out of the ground. Two this time, roommates. One got out the window."

Kate looked at the smashed shrub beneath the window, then across the street to the bar.

"Lets go to the bar," she said.

"I like the way you think," said Hellboy, patting her on the back with his left hand. She slapped it away.

Inside they found the bartender; across the bar were two customers who looked like a late middle-aged biker and his lady still talking to a uniformed officer. The place had clearly been the scene of a fight. Tables were overturned and broken, and popcorn spilled out of a tipped machine in the corner. The sharp smell of firearms could be smelled over the typical bar smoke, together with another spicy smell that was harder to identify.

The officer walked over. "There were three customers in here when the victim came in," he said. "The perps were right behind him, at least twenty. These two say that six perps were shot and one beaten with a barstool. The wounded perps were taken away, as well as the victim."

Hellboy went up to the bar, pulling up a stool. "Hey," he told the bartender. "Tell me what you saw."

"Hellboy! Good. This is your kind of deal, I think." said the bartender. Hearing them, the biker and his lady came over as well. The bartender nodded to Kate and Abe. "So a regular night, then this guy comes running through the door screaming his head off. Right behind him are a bunch of gray hobbits. Bad ones. So I got out the shotgun, and Bill had his piece and he opened up on them just like that.

"Not that it did much good," said Bill.

"One with each shot?" asked Hellboy.

The biker shrugged: "They were three feet away. I could have gotten two with each shot. "

Hellboy frowned at the bartender. "How could you tell they were gay? Sweater vests or something?"

Kate elbowed him. "Gray. He said gray," she whispered.

Hellboy grunted sheepishly. "Bad ear," he explained, indicating his right ear.

"There was too many of them," continued the biker. But they didn't do a thing to us. I was stomping them and kicking them and they went around me like I was furniture. Didn't make a sound. Just kind of blocked us, like linebackers. Each time we took one down, the others would scoop him up and take him away."

"It was spooky," interjected the lady.

"Did they kill the guy they took?" asked Hellboy.

"No. Not in here, anyway," said the bartender. "He didn't stop screaming from the minute he got in here. We heard him going out the door with them. But what more could we do? Once they got him picked up they moved fast."

"Did you know the guy?" asked Kate. "The one who they took?"

The bartender shook his head. "He never came in before. Didn't look like the drinking type. One of those A-rabs, looked like."

Hellboy walked over, carrying the empty shotgun. The bartender gestured towards it. "This gun was loaded with buckshot, but that didn't really slow them down. They must be robots or something. No blood. Blew the arm clean off one and another one picked it up. I know I got one point blank to the head. I think Alice did just as well with that chair."

"Which chair?" asked Kate.

Alice retrieved a broken barstool and walked it over. Kate looked it over. Scraped along the metal of the seat was some fibrous material. Kate pointed it it and looked questioningly at Alice.

"Took a chunk out of one, I guess," offered Alice.

Hellboy wiped the stuff off on a finger and sniffed it, then held it out for Kate and Abe.

Abe took a sniff, "Hm. Not bad."

Kate sniffed the chair rather than Hellboy's finger. "Spicy."

"Those hobbits smelled like ginger when you smacked them," offered Alice.

"That's against aliens," said Abe.

"Aliens smell like ether, when you can smell them." added Hellboy. "Plus I never heard of anyone whacking an alien with a barstool."

"Yeah, they paralyze you with space rays first." said Alice.

The BPRD team considered this. Then Abe checked his pager. "Two more. Lets go."


	6. Chapter 6

6.

In the apartment of the fourth and fifth abductees, Hellboy paced the floor around the hole through the carpet. "We've got to get ahead of these things. Why do they want these guys? This isn't random."

Kate looked picked up a pen. "Dimension power."

"One of the last two worked for Dimension," said Hellboy. "I saw his ID badge in the bedroom. Not the guy who got out the window, the other one."

Kate looked at the sparse bookcase and big TV. "I wonder if these guys were all engineers?"

"We can check," said Abe, walking over to the phone. A few minutes later he returned.

"All engineers, all Dimension. I had police go out to the homes of the other engineer employees."

"Maybe these guys are getting taken to that dimension with the string theory," said Hellboy. "A ghost dimension. Like that movie where the steak was crawling around. It brought that girl there."

"Poltergeist," said Abe.

"Yes," said Hellboy. "They did a good job with that."

"That was a movie," said Kate. "Make believe."

"Just the dog was," said Abe. "People like dogs in movies."

"I think the crawling steak was made up too," said Hellboy.

"No." said Abe.

Hellboy wrinkled his nose. "I want to think it was. Anyway, it's a lead. Not the steak, but the ghost dimension. It would explain a lot. Ghost dimension, angry ghosts. These gay hobbits are ghosts. That's why you can't shoot them!"

"The bartender said he shot the arm off one," said Abe.

"True," said Hellboy, retrieving a videotape from a shelf.

"Plus ghosts don't smell like ginger," said Abe.

"Mmm. Also usually true." mused Hellboy. "Maybe its cologne?" He turned the videotape over and over in his hands. He shook it appraisingly but nothing fell out.

Kate put a hand on Hellboy and Abe each and turned them toward the door. "We need to go back to Dimension and see what's going on. I'll bet you one donut each there's an ancient artifact somewhere there. There always is."


	7. Chapter 7

7.

Back at Dimension they encountered Munir by the large generation frame. He was ecstatic. "Hey, you're back! Look at this! Look at this output!" He pointed to a gauge. "This is 7%! Do you see what we can do at 7%?"

Hellboy looked over the frame. The hum was louder and from time to time a metallic green spark leapt between the copper wires and the surrounding frame. "That's great. But listen - there's a problem going on. Do you know anyone who works here that is short and gray and smells great? Very tough, maybe wears a sweater vest?"

Abe was listening on his phone. "Five more from 3 apartments. That's all of them."

"Five more what?" asked Munir.

"Listen Munir," said Kate. "Something is abducting engineers. We need to find out what and why,"

"What do you mean, all of them," said Munir, turning his back on the frame. "We're on a deadline here." He looked back down at the gauge. "Oh yes. This is it. A green revolution in energy."

"Green and orange," said Abe.

"Pardon?" asked Munir.

Abe pointed at an orange and green flamelike blob suspended in the center of the frame. It wended its way out into the room, the front of it questing about like a leech made of fire. Sparks and coils of ropy plasma twisted off of the thing and shot upwards, passing through the ceiling without apparent effect. A commotion began as others working in the building saw the thing and dropped what they were doing to run. Munir stepped back, wide eyed. "What is that?"

"An alligator coming over your water wheel", said Hellboy, sizing up the thing.

"Not a ghost," noted Abe.

"A sparkagator?" offered Hellboy as he moved to intercept the creature. Abe nodded and gathered a loop of copper wires. As the sparkagator cleared the frame, klaxons sounded. There was a ripping sound and the frame began to hum more loudly and spark in earnest, giving off occasional spirals and sparks of energy.

"OK, you! Get back in there!" shouted Hellboy, swiping at the sparkagator with the Right Hand of Doom. He staggered as his hand failed to make contact with anything tangible. The sparkagator surrounded him and then moved on past through building, pausing at each smoke detector. Hellboy moved after it. "Kate! Call the BPRD and get a chase team! Its on the move!" Abe moved to flank the sparkagator then threw the copper wire up like a lasso. This too had no effect.

The glowing creature illuminated the Quonset hut as it moved around the ceiling, pausing periodically at each smoke detector. Abe and Hellboy moved underneath it, each carrying a length of pipe. As the creature came down and headed for the exit hall, they flailed at it with the pipes, Hellboy accidentally knocking Abe's out of his hands. "Sorry!"

Abe dashed over to the wall and returned with an oxyacetylene welding apparatus. "Maybe it's a gas thing, HB. Like a wisp. They burn."

Hellboy nodded. "Right!" He produced a grenade from his pocket then shucked out of his coat, tossing it aside. He grabbed the tanks of oxygen and acetylene and ran to catch the Sparkagator.

Abe ran back to Kate and Munir. "Cover!" he shouted as he approached them. Kate nodded and pushed Munir's head down behind a bank of computers. Abe hunched atop them shielding them with his body. "Plug your ears," he told, them, plugging his own. Kate followed suit.

Hellboy positioned himself directly beneath the sparkagator, holding the welding apparatus and the grenade over his head on the flat palm of the Right Hand of Doom. He screwed his eyes shut and plugged one ear with his free left hand. The grenade went off, igniting the oxyacetylene in a tremendous explosion and cloud of flame, hurling debris everywhere. The windows of the Quonset hut blew out. Unfazed, the creature moved through the wall and out of the building.

Abe ran to pick up Hellboy where he had been blasted against the floor and helped him to the door. They watched the creature go off shining and sparking off into the night. In the distance they could hear a helicopter. Abe looked over his friend. "You OK?"

"More or less," said Hellboy. "At least no-one got bit." He reached around with his left hand to take a piece of plastic from the welding apparatus out of his right ear, wincing as he wiggled it loose. "We should tell the chase team not to waste time with bombs."

"I think I know why you have that bad right ear," said Abe.

Hellboy looked at the piece of plastic. "No, this is a recent arrival," he said. "See, it matches the rest of that thing." Hellboy pointed at a larger remnant of the welder where it was against a wall.

"Right." Abe was looking up at a smoke detector. "How about a boost, HB?"

Hellboy lowered the Right Hand of Doom, still smoking from the explosion. Abe stepped up onto the Hand and from there onto Hellboy's shoulders, balancing easily as he retrieved the smoke detector. He brought it back down. There was a neat hole punched through it.

"It likes smoke detectors," said Hellboy. "Or maybe hates them?"

"That might help. I'll let the chase team know," said Abe.

"Tell them about no bombs too," said Hellboy. "Unless they use one of those vacuum cleaner bombs." Abe looked quizzically at Hellboy as they walked back to rejoin Kate and Munir in the now-abandoned building. "Isn't there a bomb that does that?" asked Hellboy. "Sucks everything up? An implosion bomb. That could work."

"I haven't heard about that," said Abe. "Where would the stuff go?"

"Into the bomb, I think? Not sure. Lets get back in there."

Back inside, Kate was looking up at the frame, which was now sparking and glowing with a new intensity. It was reminiscent of the sparkagator. Munir was hunched over a terminal, typing and looking worriedly over his shoulder. "I think that thing made the hole bigger," said Kate.

"Hey Kate, what is the name of those bombs that suck everything up around them? Implosion bomb? We need to tell the chase team."

"I am sure I have no idea about bombs," said Kate archly. She held out a blackened fragment of cloth and looked pointedly away.

"Oops. My shorts. Sorry." The explosion had mortally wounded Hellboy's shorts, distributing rags across the building and rendering him rather indecent. Hellboy left Kate holding the rag and jogged over to retrieve his coat where it had blown against a wall. He rummaged through it, quickly producing a fresh pair of shorts.

Abe watched him. "Ever think about getting metal pants?

"Got some," grunted Hellboy as he pulled on the shorts. "Machine shop made them for me in 1974. Titanium steel."

"Do they still fit?"

Hellboy patted his backside. "Pretty much. But I never wear them."

Abe raised his eyebrows. "No?" They walked over to join Kate and Munir.

"Let me tell you something," said Hellboy, addressing Munir as well. "When you are in a pants-getting-blown-off situation, just let them get blown off. Did you ever hear of an 'atomic wedgie?' It doesn't have to be atomic. An exploding jetpack will do just as well. Anyway, the metal pants stay in the closet. All cotton for me."

Abe persevered. "How about a metal cup. A supporter."

Hellboy produced a handkerchief and blew his nose, grimaced at the contents of the handkerchief, then put it back in his coat. "Tried that too. Seemed like a good idea. I got one after a close call with that short werewolf from Mount Shasta."

"Sasquatch," said Abe.

"Really? That little guy?" Hellboy held his Right Hand at waist level.

"Degenerate sasquatch," clarified Abe.

"That's for sure! Anyway I hated it. The cup, I mean. Too cold!"

"I've got one on," said Abe. Hellboy looked Abe over. "Really? You know, I wondered. Isn't it cold?"

"Not necessarily," replied Abe.

Kate dropped the ex-shorts to the floor. "Ok, enough boy talk. If everyone is dressed we have a problem here. We can't call the chase team."

"We just used the phone," said Abe. "We did call the chase team."

Kate pointed at the frame. "I think it's this." Hellboy and Abe looked. The dimensional portal was clearly very different than it had been even a few minutes prior. What fluorescent lights remained after the explosion flickered with a strange piercing greenness. "Messing with the phone lines," concluded Kate.

"This looks familiar," said Abe.

"Yes it is," agreed Hellboy. "Dabblers open door, little monsters come, then big monsters come, then comes Yubba Gugguth, then it's the End Time."

Munir looked up from the terminal and furrowed his brow. "I don't follow you."

"It takes practice," observed Abe.

"This problem has trump now," continued Hellboy, waving his hand at the sparkling, glowing dimensional rift." "Hobbits can wait." He walked over to Munir. "Time to turn it off."

"Well, that's the thing," Munir said slowly. "I really could use some help but no-one is answering their pagers. Ron Grunwald is the one who built this part."

"All abducted, remember?" said Abe.

"Plus the phones are out," said Kate.

"Right, right. But the thing is.." He typed some commands and then read the output, then typed some more.

"You can't shut it off," said Hellboy.

"Mostly," said Munir, popping his ears.

"Nuclear meltdown," said Abe.

"No, no," said Munir as he typed. "Not like that. Not exactly."

Abe looked at Hellboy. "Check," said Hellboy. He walked over to the side of the frame and grabbed it with the Right Hand. With a heave he pulled it out of the ground and threw it aside. Munir began to shout but then stopped. As the frame tumbled down the space in the air that it occupied continued to spurt ropy orange and green plasma and sparks. The humming did not change. A smaller sparkagator squirted out, circled the room once and disappeared through the ceiling.


	8. Chapter 8

8.

Abe knelt to the floor. He pressed his palms flat. "Do you feel something?" he asked.

Suddenly the floor exploded in a shower of concrete pebbles immediately next to Kate and Munir, both of whom shrieked and jumped back. A gray monkeylike creature clambered out to face them. The resemblance to a root of ginger was very clear, even down to little rootlets sprouting from the shoulders and head.

Abe was right behind it. "Got you," he said as he wrapped his arms around the creature. It began to wriggle furiously but silently. Abe held it tightly as a second gray creature emerged. He kicked it without obvious effect. "Hellboy, the hole!"

"On it!" shouted Hellboy as he bounded across the room. He smacked the emerging root creature back down into the hole with an open hand, liberating a burst of a licorice aroma, then rammed the fist of the Right Hand in on top of it, plugging the hole. "Kate, keep Munir safe!" Another hole opened four feet to the left of the first and the head of a gray root creature emerged. Hellboy withdrew his hand from the first hole, rolled to the new one and whacked the head back down. The original hole, now clear, produced another head. Hellboy rolled back and whacked this one down as well. He repositioned himself between the two holes, whacking down heads as they emerged. "GO! GO!" he shouted.

Kate drew her pistol and took Munir's arm. As they headed for the exit, a section of linoleum flooring bulged upwards. Kate took three shots into the hump, which subsided and they continued across. Abe ran up to join them, the captured root creature wriggling and pawing at him from under his arm. A new hole opened to the side and Abe made a detour, upending the root creature he held and jamming it headfirst into the hole, from which its kicking legs protruded. He left it there and then ran to jump feet first onto the bullet-hole perforated hump in the linoleum which was rising back up again, followed by a wrestling-style elbow drop onto the same hump.

Hellboy was now surrounded by four holes, and he held his Hand poised, whacking down any head which poked up. He slapped five times in rapid succession, with the sixth a closed fist rammed down into the hole. "I can do this all day, you guys!"

Suddenly the gray creatures stopped coming. Hellboy waited, Hand poised. Abe waited too, hand flat against the linoleum hump. The kicking legs protruding from the newest hole disappeared. All was quiet except for a faint blubbering from Munir where he clung to Kate. Hellboy looked over at Abe. "Done?" Abe cocked his head, listening, then nodded.

Hellboy stood up and took a look at the crackling, glowing dimensional gate. "Sheesh!" he said. He strode scowling over to Kate and Munir. Abe joined them.

Kate gave him a sniff. "You smell great, HB."

This caught him by surprise. "Really? You think so?" He sniffed his hand. "Mmm. I do!"

"Usually monsters make you smell bad," observed Abe.

"Too true," said Hellboy. "A shame you let that one get away, Abe. He might have come in handy."

Kate stepped back and focused on Munir, who shrank from the BPRD team. "Enough! Somehow this is all tied up in this crazy power scheme! Two kinds of monsters and one pair of shorts later and we still don't have a clue what's going on." She waved at the coruscating dimensional gate behind him, which was steadily increasing in intensity. "I'm having the distinct feeling we're just a bunch of stooges for this dimension power outfit!"

Abe spoke up. "I would be Larry."

Hellboy nods. "Yes, definitely. Curly for me. He's like me. He's always getting whaled on too. Plus we look alike."

"Curly never dished it out like you do," observed Abe. "You give as good as you get."

Kate turned away from Munir and crinkled her nose. "That leaves Moe. And I don't want to hear a word about my haircut." Her dishwater-blonde bob was unfortunately somewhat like that of Moe. "I paid $80 for this haircut."

Abe looked Kate over appraisingly. "Next time call me. I'll make you look nice."

Hellboy was looking at the dimensional rift. "I think it's this thing. It's calling them like moths to a light."

"None of the other ones came here," observed Abe. "I think they came for him." He indicated Munir, who stood nearby staring at the hole in the air. "He's the last one."

"Maybe. But the principle of the thing." He turned to Kate. "Kate, ideas? How to shut this down?"

Kate gave him a plaintive look. "Really Hellboy, I don't know about stuff like this. How do you guys usually do it?"

Hellboy paced around. "It varies." He looked at Abe, who gave a slight shrug.

"Sometimes I bust it up, but that didn't work here. What we need is a scientist. A fourth member of the team."

"A scientific Shemp," said Abe.

"Exactly!" said Hellboy, clapping his hands together. "We would be like SG-1! Have you seen it? Now that's a team! Just like the Fantastic Four. And we're practically there. They got their big bruiser, their scientist, their babe, who is also the scientist, their folklore guy…"

Kate wiggled her eyebrows. "Who is also a babe,"

Abe nodded. "And leading them is a charismatic senior officer,"

"Right!" said Hellboy.

"With a dry wit and keen intellect", continued Abe.

Hellboy frowned. "Where are you going with that?"

"Hey!" interrupted Munir. "Here's how we do it. There are bleedoff circuits and those are working," said Munir. "There, and there." He marched along the wall pointing to objects, reenergized. Then he bent and started to rapidly type, before noticing the terminal had been shattered by the nearby explosion. He hustled to a more remote terminal. "We open them up all the way, decrease the pressure…" The hole in the air shimmered and became less green and more orange. "Yeah, that's it. Just bleed it off, nice and easy." He looked up enthusiastically. "Now there's only 5 but theoretically there could be 5 x 5 if each one…"

The ground gave way beneath them. Hellboy scooped up Kate as they fell down through empty space into a pit, landing with a splash in water. Splashing, swimming gray monsters surrounded them. "Abe, Abe! Get Munir!" shouted Hellboy, his head just above the water. He held Kate half out of the water with his Right Hand and flailed ineffectually with his left at the gray monsters, which ignored them both. Immediately, Munir disappeared from view and within a few seconds, all the gray monsters did too. The water settled. Hellboy and Kate were left standing alone in the black water.


	9. Chapter 9

9.

"Well that stinks," said Hellboy. "There goes our Shemp prospect." He looked at Kate. You OK, Kate? Get up here." He boosted Kate up to his shoulder. She grabbed one of his horn stumps to steady herself, then was embarrassed.

"Sorry," she said. "Can I touch that?"

"For you that answer's always yes," said Hellboy.

She cuffed him on the back of the head. "It never stops! OK, now what?"

"We wait for Abe." They stood quietly, surveying the dark water. Hellboy narrowed his eyes. "Kate, switch sides," Kate clambered over to the left shoulder and Hellboy reached up with his left hand to steady her. The Right Hand of Doom disappeared beneath the water.

Something moved near the surface on the other side of the pit. "Abe? Abe?" There was nothing more. Hellboy suddenly shifted and Kate grabbed again at his horn stump to keep balanced. "Yow! That was something! Abe? ABE!" Abe poked his head out of the water. "There you are! Abe, what's down there? Something that bites?"

"Yes," said Abe. "Three things." He disappeared again.

Kate and Hellboy were left quietly standing in the water again. "This reminds me of Star Wars," said Hellboy.

Kate surveyed the water nervously. "Are they going to bite you?"

"I know where they're _not_ going to bite me."

"Where?"

"Underneath where I have my other hand."

Abe poked his head back up. "Don't move that hand."

Hellboy suddenly began rocking back and forth. "GAAAH! "Back! That's where! Back! Abe!" Kate looked down in horror at the glistening black coils which lashed the water behind them. Abe disappeared and moments later about ten feet of a long eellike body floated to the surface.

"Where's the head?" asked Kate.

HB spoke through gritted teeth. "Still clamped on to my back, I think. I hope it's not sucking blood." Another eel body floated up, this one with the lamprey-like head still attached.

Abe poked his head out of the water. "Number 3 is getting away. I'm going after it. Hellboy, got rope?

"Yeah. Hang on up there, Kate." He let go of Kate with his left hand then rummaged through his coat, producing a coil of rope."

Abe tied it to his belt. "Three tugs, pull me back." Then he disappeared.

Hellboy and Kate were alone in the dark water again. After a while Hellboy looked up at Kate. "Say Kate, if this is halftime, you want to try to get that thing loose from my back?"

"Oh, sure. You poor thing! I'm sorry." She pivoted atop Hellboy's shoulder and felt around his low back. "Here it is."

"I know," said Hellboy.

"No need to get snippy," said Kate. "Ew, bones. Not yours I hope." She tried stomping down against the attached head, producing grunts of pain from Hellboy. This went on for several stomps. Kate reached down to check. "Still on there pretty good."

"Try this," said Hellboy. He handed Kate a Schlitz Malt Liquor bottle opener. "Use the curvy side."

"If you say so," Kate went to work and within a few second the head was loose. "That worked great!"

"That's why I carry it. That and for beer." The severed head with its ghoulish rings of lamprey like teeth floated in the water next to them. Hellboy fished it out. "I'd like to keep this."

"Why?" asked Kate, now back atop Hellboy and mostly out of the water.

"You know Lindsey? In the armory? She said she's never seen a monster up close."

Kate's lips tightened. "Lindsey. The little one? 

"She's not all little," went on Hellboy, unable to see Kate's expression. "Anyway

she said maybe if I brought something for her sometime it would be nice. Educational, you know?"

"That's what she said?" spat Kate.

"Yeah, more or less," said Hellboy, noticing Kate's tone. "What, you think she won't like it? Too scary?" He lifted the head out of the water and looked up at Kate quizzically.

Suddenly the rope tied around Hellboy went taut and he lurched forward. Kate toppled off and he dropped the lamprey head to grab her, taking hold of the rope in his stone right hand. There was a huge splashing in the water, which resolved into a swirling vortex as the water rushed out. "Whoah whoah whoah! Hang on!" Hellboy and Kate dragged along the rocky bottom towards the hole. As they reached the vortex they were sucked under. A few seconds later the water was gone, leaving Hellboy spanning the opening with the Right Hand on the near side of a gaping dark hole and his feet braced against the far side. Kate clung atop him. The rope dangled from his waist down into the darkness.

Hellboy kicked off from the far side of the hole and climbed to his feet. He looked at Kate, still clinging to him. "You can let go now," he told her. "Or not."

Kate rolled her eyes, let go and cuffed him in the small of the back. "Ow!" winced Hellboy.

Kate covered her mouth. "Oh, sorry, sorry Hellboy! I forgot that monster was just chewing on you."

"That's OK," he said mournfully. "Everybody does. I would forget too. If it weren't for the pain." He looked sideways at Kate. "The terrible pain."

Kate kicked his hoof. "Nothing bit you there. Recently." She picked up the rope just as Abe emerged and untied himself.

"Got number 3. Plus I found a side passage to let this water out."

Hellboy nodded. "Good. Now with this big hole, we can go after them. Maybe find out what they're up to."


	10. Chapter 10

10.

The tunnel seemed bigger than it needed to be to accommodate the root monsters and their abductees, and so the three BPRD agents made reasonably good time, despite the fact that all had to lean down and Hellboy was bent almost double. All three had mini-mag lites, as was standard BPRD issue. In some spots there was still mud and loose gravel, which made the footing treacherous. After about a half mile the tunnel opened into a room. In it were a large group of the small gray creatures, now covered with clotted blood. They turned from the horrible project they had been working on and wheeled to face the emerging agents, crooked black metal tools in their hands.

"Found you!" bellowed Hellboy, charging the mass with Abe close behind. The gray root creatures fought, but were unable to weigh either agent down with numbers. This seemed their main mode of offense – they grasped and grabbed but did not bite, punch or kick. They did, however, absorb a lot of punishment, usually staying down only after a crushing blow from the Right Hand. Each downed root creature was rapidly dragged away by a comrade off into more distant tunnel holes. Soon none remained.

Hellboy sniffed the air, redolent with spicy aromas. "Hah. That was like fighting third graders!"

"Very durable third graders,' winced Abe, shaking out his hands.

Hellboy looked at Abe's' abraded fists. "Owchy." He looked at the Right Hand of Doom and gave it a sniff, raising his eyebrows appreciatively. "Say Abe," he continued, "why don't you ask those guys who made you the cup to make you some brass knuckles?"

Abe looked at his knuckles. " Usually before they get like this the fight is over, one way or another."

Kate looked over her shoulder. "Like fighting third graders? You guys were fighting third graders?"

Hellboy and Abe exchanged looks. "A good story for another time," concluded Hellboy.

Kate walked over to a mound of torn clothes and pieces of metal. "I found him." She picked up Munir's head. "Part of him." Small pipes protruding from neck, wrapped around protruding vertebra. Several round pieces were interspersed with the metal. Fluids dripped from the head and associated apparatus. Munir's eyes rolled back and forth wildly, his lips mouthing words. She gingerly picked it up to show the others. "Look, he's moving! Guys, I think he's OK!"

Abe looked at the head. "In what respect?"

"Point him away from you," admonished Hellboy. "Sometimes loose heads get bitey."

Kate scrutinized the head, which returned her gaze. "Munir? Can you hear me?" The mouth on the severed head stayed closed. The lips pursed. "I think he doesn't want to bite, HB. These tubes and metal things must be keeping him alive."

Abe had crossed the cavern and stood by a large and misshapen maroon lump. "The rest of him is in this thing, I think."

Kate and Hellboy walked over and looked more closely at the heap, which was about the size of a large couch. It was comprised of various human body parts interlaced on a scaffold of black metal. Some parts still wore bloodsoaked clothes; a hightop-clad foot protruded from the bottom. Radiator-like coils and flat blades interlaced among arms, legs, lungs and intestines.. The metal looked as though it had been burned, possibly long ago. Symbols etched into the metal could be seen, in some places up to the edges as if the metal pieces had once been part of something larger. Kate jumped back as an arm grasped at her coat. The entire mass writhed and jiggled. Eyes rolled on the attached heads, mouths opened and closed, hearts pulsated. Other less identifiable pieces nestled among bits of metal and the occasional crystal. One section had a vacuum tube perched on it. Among the heads were some that the BPRD agents recognized as the abductees. Hellboy walked around the object, sizing it up. "It's a big nasty engineer pie," he pronounced.

"More of a quiche", said Abe.

"Why a quiche?" asked HB.

"It's got lumpy bits."

Hellboy considered this but then held up a finger in objection. "Pecan pie has lumpy bits. The pecans." He waggled the finger knowingly.

"But quiche has all different kinds of lumpy bits," rejoined Abe.

Kate puffed out her cheeks in mock nausea. "I am never going to eat quiche again."

Hellboy looked up and noticed Kate was smeared with blood and carrying Munir's head. He grimaced but said nothing.

Kate was looking at Munir's face. "Are you hurting? Are you in pain?" In return it mouthed words..

"He's got no lungs," said Hellboy "Or they aren't hooked up to the mouth anymore, I guess. Probably in the quiche."

"Can we help them?" asked Kate. "All of them?"

Abe regarded the writhing mass. The leg with the hightop on its foot had contact with the ground and was pushing the mass slowly along. "Where do we start?"

"These tunnels give me the willies," said Hellboy, indicating the black holes down which the gray monsters had escaped. "Something's going to come hopping out of there. Lets take all this back up top."

"Right," said Kate. "We can bring them to a doctor, or something,"

"Or something," said Abe.

Hellboy took hold of the engineer quiche by one protruding piece of metal and tried to push it. He slapped away a grasping hand, which seemed to learn its lesson. The quiche slid greasily for a few feet then stopped. Hellboy stood up and began to rummage through his coat, eventually producing a sturdy-looking brass castor wheel.

Kate looked at it appraisingly. "Nice. Is that a magic wheel?"

HB threw it up and caught it in his Right Hand with a clank. "Not as far as I know. It's from my desk chair back at the office. I need to buy a new one, the same kind."

Abe took the wheel. "This might work." He attached it to the metal frame of the mass, tucking the long hair of one of its component heads up out of the way. The head looked back at him. Abe patted it.

"Just one wheel?" asked Kate as she shifted her grip on Munir's head. "That thing looks heavy."

"I'm heavy too, and my chair does OK." said Hellboy. "Ready?" Abe and Hellboy each grabbed a side of the quiche and began to roll it back up the tunnel. The castor wheel squeaked annoyingly. "That's why I need a new one," Hellboy explained.


	11. Chapter 11

11

On reaching the top of the tunnel the dimensional rift was clearly larger, now nearly reaching the floor and having spread laterally by several yards. Greenish flamelike tendrils licked at the ceiling. An occasional ball of sparks like a piece of ball lightning popped out and straight down through the floor, unimpeded by intervening objects. "We gotta turn that off," said Hellboy. "Kate, ideas?"

"This stuff is really out of my league, HB. But didn't Munir here say it was a siphon? Maybe if we made some backpressure on this side. Something like that?"

"Backpressure," agreed Hellboy. "Like something blowing up."

"I have more grenades," offered Abe.

HB looked skeptically at Abe's swim trunks. "Where?"

Kate looked up from Munir the head. "Maybe Liz can come do her nuclear bomb act!"

Hellboy shook his head. "Naw, let's leave Liz alone. We're always asking for her bomb act every time we get in a bind. She'll start thinking that's the only reason we want to hang out with her." He scratched absently and looked away. "Plus its scary," he added.

Kate looked quizzical. "Scary? How is it scary? I thought she likes it."

"That's how it's scary," said Abe.

Hellboy snapped the fingers of his Right Hand with a crack like a pistol shot. "Maybe a real nuke! That ought to do it!"

Kate nodded. "Did I hear something about a nuclear bazooka?"

Hellboy bared his teeth. "Argh. Yes. The Davy Crocket. That would have been perfect. It went into a volcano. What a terrible place that was."

"You sent me a card from the volcano," said Kate. "It said 'Wish You Were Here'"

"Different volcano," said Hellboy. As he spoke he walked over to a pile of steel struts left over from construction of the Quonset hut, then selected one. "That volcano was nice. We should go. They grow the best grapes there you've ever had. This volcano was in Antarctica. No postcards there."

"There was no volcano before you got there," observed Abe.

"Possibly true," said Hellboy. He swung the steel bar back and forth for heft, then pulled it between the fingers of the Right Hand, emitting a shower of sparks.

Abe fingered his chin. "Maybe a real nuclear bomb?" he asked.

Hellboy nodded appreciatively, pulling the bar between his fingers again. "That's thinking, Abe! Yeah. An H-bomb. That's big. Do we have one?"

"Not as far as I know," said Abe.

"Can you build one?" Hellboy asked Kate.

Kate looked sharply at him. "Are you talking to me?"

Hellboy looked around, lowering the length of iron. "Uh, yeah?"

Kate waved Munir's severed head at him angrily, releasing a few dusky droplets. "Kate can you make a nuclear bomb? Kate, can you seal a dimensional rift? Come on! Who do you think I am?

"The one with the PhD?" answered Hellboy meekly.

"In folklore!"

Hellboy made a pacifying gesture. "Ok, ok. We really need some kind of science person to come out with us on these shindigs." He eyed the severed head of Munir, which looked back at him. "Someone durable."

Munir clacked his teeth loudly at this. "Careful Kate!" shouted Hellboy. "He's getting bitey!"

Kate turned the head to face her. It clacked its teeth and then clucked with its tongue.

"No, he's trying to communicate. If only we could hook him up to some Captain Pike type device. One for yes, two for no…"

Hellboy laughed. "Captain Pike! Nice! I wouldn't guess you for a trekkie."

"Counts as folklore," replied Kate.

"He needs air," observed Abe, looking over the severed head. "To go through his talking parts."

"Like a saxophone!" exclaimed Hellboy.

Kate crinkled her nose, then held the head out to Hellboy. "Knock yourself out." Munir the head looked apprehensively at Hellboy.

Hellboy thought it through, then made a face. "Hey, I'm brainstorming." He pulled the bar between his pinched fingers again with a loud rasp, sharpening the edge.

Abe walked up with a Dustbuster. "Let's try this."

"Something dusty?" asked Hellboy.

Abe pointed at Munir's head.

Kate turned Munir's head upside-down. "There's an idea. Suction should work." She went to work with a roll of duct tape, attaching it to the neck and smearing herself with more gore in the process.

While she worked, Hellboy turned to Abe. "Here you go, Abraham." He handed him the length of steel, which now glittered dangerously along each edge. "A present from me to your knuckles."

Abe took the sword and swung it back and forth. "Very nice." He fingered the top, where the bar had its original square end. "Machete style."

"Like Guyana," both Abe and Hellboy said at the same time. "Jinx," grinned Hellboy.

He picked up another steel length and began to work it vigorously back and forth against the Right Hand, producing showers of sparks. "Yeah, our gray friends seem vegetably, like those tar pit things were."

"They didn't live in the tar pit," Abe reminded him.

"Just you stay out of the tar pit this time!" said Hellboy. "That stuff is a mess!"

"No hair and no shirt means less mess," said Abe.

Hellboy rubbed Abe's bald head fondly. "I'm buying you a wig, baldy. And a turtleneck."

With much duct tape, Kate had attached the little vacuum cleaner to the neck. They turned it on and Kate rotated the head to face them.

"Hi guy," enunciated Hellboy. He knelt and looked at Munir. "How are you doing? Do you feel like biting?"

Munir's eyes rolled back and forth. "This is so weird," he said in a high pitched, sucking in voice. "Am I just a head?"

"Yeah," said Hellboy. "And a dustbuster."

Abe leaned in. "You can still be a force for good."

"Munir, "said Kate, "you were shutting this dimensional rift down. We need you to finish."

Munir was getting the hang of the dustbuster. "Scratch my nose, would you?" Kate scratched his nose. "Ok, now let me see."

Kate oriented he head to see the sparkling glittering rift.

Munir regarded the gate for a second. "What's the output?"

Hellboy looked at a gauge. "This says EEEE."

"It must be scared," Abe deadpanned.

They were interrupted by a sudden scrabbling behind them. Up and out of the hole in the floor poured an army of the short white root creatures. There were hundreds. They came in a swarm, rushing across the floor of the Quonset hut towards the BPRD agents.

Hellboy lifted the sharpened bar in the Right Hand of Doom, its edges gleaming. "They want the quiche!" he bellowed. "Kate – keep that quiche safe!"

Kate considered the amalgam of engineers, then pulled a fire blanket over the top. She tucked Munir's head under her left arm like a football, drawing her pistol with the right.

Advancing to meet the group of humanoids, Hellboy swung the sharpened bar, cutting the lead three creatures cleanly in half. "Touché!" On the backstroke he got three more. "Ha! How do you like me now, radishes?" Abe moved to join him and the two agents scythed through the creatures, swinging their improvised swords back and forth. Piles of fragrant pieces accumulated around them, redolent of horseradish, ginger, and angelica. "Usually fighting monsters doesn't make me hungry," Hellboy remarked to Abe. He ran the sword between his fingers to sharpen it up, then came back with a two handed swing that took out five of the creatures.

Suddenly the creatures fell back, putting the hole between themselves and Hellboy. Up from the hole rose a hooded form. A gold mask could be seen under the hood, depicting the face of a toad. It gleamed in the green light emitted from the dimensional rift. "I am Lord Tsathoudda!" it intoned. "Now you will learn the power of the earth!" It raised its arms and a seething burbling sound could be heard over the hiss of the dimensional rift.

Vomiting up from the hole came a bubbling, twitching, translucent horror . Eyes, pinchers and tentacles coalesced, only to fall back into the goo. Fanged mouths emerged from the mass to hiss and mumble incomprehensibly before being resorbed. The root creatures moved back from the monstrosity as it heaved its bulk toward Hellboy and Kate.

"Oh crap." said Hellboy as he fell back. "Abe! This is bad! Abe?" Abe had disappeared.

Kate moved to his side, eyes wide. "Hellboy! That's a shoggoth!" She aimed and took a shot at the shoggoth, with no apparent effect.

"I see it's a shoggoth!" He kicked the severed torso of a root creature off the ground, lofting it in an arc towards the monster. It sank into the goo, eyes and tendrils sprouting around and through it as it smoked and sizzled. "Crappity crap!" He kicked several more after the first, but the horror continued to advance, flopping its bulk forward like a giant inchworm. Suddenly a long excrescence tipped with a barbed spine shot out at Hellboy, who swatted it down with his sword. The severed spine turned and began to crawl away. Hellboy whacked at it a few more times then had to suddenly block a horny excrescence that surged towards him. He grabbed it with the Right Hand, holding it at arms length then cut through the supporting slime with his sword, freeing it from the body. The sword smoked, newly shiny every place touched by the shoggoth. More hairs, rubbery polyps and unclassifiable appendages moved towards him as the main body of the shoggoth advanced. A tentacle touched his tail, which jerked steaming out of the way. "Kate!" he yelled over his shoulder as he prepared to grapple with the monster. "Get out of here! Out the window! Kate?" A pulpy bulb opened up into a spiked fan in front of him, which morphed into a pack of long stalked Venus flytraps that surged at Hellboy, latching onto his tail, arm and coat. Hellboy squinted his eyes against the caustic goo and lowered his head to charge.

Suddenly the shoggoth withdrew. From behind Hellboy, Kate advanced on it, brandishing an open three ring binder high and in front of her. A complicated series of stars and curves was on it, written in what appeared to be burning bathtub caulk. The shoggoth retreated before her advance. Hellboy gaped in surprise.

"Elder sign," said Kate, not taking her eyes off the shoggoth. "I thought you had one on a piece of rock."

"Did have. It went into a volcano." Hellboy caught Kate's look. "Yeah, same one. I was lucky to get away with my shorts. My spare shorts." Hellboy cautiously advanced with her. In the distance a siren could be heard. " But how did you know how to draw an Elder Sign?"

"Lots of practice."

"Go PhD!", cheered Hellboy as the shoggoth shrank away from the flaming sign.

The gray root monsters and the hooded creature that had summoned the shoggoth stood back to watch this turn of events. As it fell back, the shoggoth scooped one of the fallen root creatures and hurled it spinning at the sign. Hellboy blocked it with his Right Hand, batting it down. Several more of the fallen creatures flew at them, interspersed with other object the shoggoth encountered – a wheeled dolly, lab paraphernalia, a series of hard hats, someone's abandoned Thermos. "Copycat" shouted Hellboy as he batted and kicked them away. The root creatures retreated behind their hooded master as a long tentacle seized a live one and flung it squirming through the air. Hellboy caught the thing, then unceremoniously dumped it on the floor, from which it scrambled away. "I feel like a goalie," grunted Hellboy. "What's next?"

"This is all I got," said Kate, holding up the sign. Suddenly the shoggoth reared up to the ceiling in a shuddering tower of slime and wrapped around a series of overhead pipes, pulling them down. A torrent of water gushed out, extinguishing the flaming letters on the binder and soaking Hellboy and Kate. The tower coalesced as the shoggoth gathered itself.

11


	12. Chapter 12

12

There was a tremendous crash and the far wall of the Quonset hut caved in with a groan of protesting sheet metal. Sirens blaring, lights flashing, a fire engine came barreling the length of the building and plowed directly into the shoggoth. Along the front bumper were ducttaped 50-pound bags of rock salt, and on impact these ruptured, pouring a white wave into the gooey mass with a terrible hiss. The gelatinous monster writhed against the truck, spewing jets of slime. Abe leapt down from the cab, coal scoop in hand.

"Abe!" cheered Kate.

"You can drive a stick?" asked Hellboy.

"It was time I learned," answered Abe. He tossed the coal scoop to Hellboy.

Hellboy banged the scoop with the Right Hand. "Right!" He began to scoop up loads of the disintegrating shoggoth, flinging it onto the gray root creatures. These fell back, silently clawing at the adherent, napalmlike jelly before dropping to the floor. Abe jumped down into their midst, a crowbar in one hand and his sword in the other. Caught between Abe and Hellboy, the gray creatures were finished off.

Hellboy turned to Abe. "That salt idea was keen, Abe. Too bad you didn't bring some pepper too!" he joked.

"I did," replied Abe. He held up a small paper envelope of pepper.

Hellboy eyed Abe's shorts. " I don't want to know where you were keeping that."

"Why pepper, Abe?" asked Kate.

"I wasn't sure it was salt you used for slugs," said the fishman. "Pepper was the backup plan."

"You were going to fight a shoggoth with that little thing of pepper?" asked Hellboy incredulously.

"There's more in the truck," answered Abe, indicating the fire truck with the pepper envelope.

Kate tapped her partners. "Guys, look at that," The remains of the root creatures were dragging themselves together. They had forgotten the gold-masked creature by the pit. It made a motion of reaching and pulling from the ground, mumbling something as it did.. Hellboy looked quizzically at Abe. Then like a marionette pulled by strings, a root creature much larger than the previous ones came together and shambled at the BPRD agents. It was gashed and abraded from the fight that its components had been in, together with large steaming sections where it had been cooked by the dying shoggoth. It raised its fists over its head. "Ok," Hellboy grunted. "How about this!" Hellboy punched the creature in the midriff with the Right Hand, sliding it back a yard. The creature stepped forwards and brought the fists down on Hellboy's head, driving him to his knees in a welter of root fragments. Hellboy reached up and grabbed its wrists, straining upwards.

Kate stepped up beside Hellboy. She drew his huge pistol from its holster and, holding with both hands, squeezed three shots into the creature's left knee, which sprayed parsnip chunks, then buckled and gave. As the monster tottered and fell, Hellboy followed up with an overhand bash to the head with the Right Hand, hitting the thing again and again and sending pieces of pulp and juice flying. He blinked away tears and smacked his lips. "Horseradish! I need a tissue!"

"Hellboy!" called Abe. Behind them, the hooded creature motioned, pointing one by one at the severed limbs and shoggoth-corroded pieces of the fallen root creatures. These were scuttling into the pit at the feet of the hooded creature. Abe dashed from piece to piece, trying to catch them and Hellboy followed suit. Despite their efforts, a new creature rose from the pit and stepped out – this one towered over the BPRD agents, its head near the ceiling of the hut. It reached down with a bristled and rooty hand, grasping at Hellboy. He swung with his sword, embedding it in the hand. As the hand pulled away he lost his grip on the length of steel. The amalgam creature advanced slowly on him.

"Empire!" shouted Abe. He ran from the fire truck, trailing a length of hose behind him.

"That's thinking!" said Hellboy. "Yo Biggus! Down here!" he shouted, distracting the enormous humanoid from Abe's efforts. He hurled the coal scuttle end over end; the handle struck the giant in the face. In the meantime, Abe had wrapped several lengths of hose around the creature's ankles. It took a step forward, tripped, and fell hard. Hellboy pulled his sword loose then jumped on its back and ran it through, hammering the sword like a nail down into the floor with his Right Hand. Then he bent it over, pinning the monster facedown against the floor. It struggled to rise. "Stay down! Stay…down!" he yelled. Hellboy rolled out of the way just in time to let the fire engine pull its acid blasted nose forwards and up onto the monster's back, pinning it to the floor with the tire. Abe set the emergency brake.

The golden mask creature paused, looking at the team across the room. Then it again raised its hand and roots from the fallen creature snaked forth, twining towards Hellboy.

"Abe!" shouted Kate. "It can't control what it can't see!" She lobbed a fire extinguisher up to the fish man where he had climbed atop the fire engines cab. He caught it and looked at her, perplexed.

Kate produced Hellboy's pistol. "Pull!" she shouted. Abe nodded and hurled the gleaming tank end over end towards the hooded creature. Just as it approached the thing, Kate braced herself against the big truck, held the pistol with both hands and squeezed the trigger. The tank exploded, releasing a huge cloud of white powder, which enveloped the hooded creature.

"Nice shooting, Tex!" shouted Hellboy as he plowed through the white powder. His Right Hand walloped a huge haymaker on the golden mask of the creature, sending the mask flying across the room. Beneath was a face almost identical to the mask – a blinking toad head with huge yellow eyes. "Why wear a mask that looks like you?" asked Hellboy.

The creature fell back, drawing shimmering symbols in the air. "You may care nothing for this earth, but I will not let you end it!" it croaked.

"Heard that one before," said Hellboy, bringing his fist back.

"Wait!" yelled Kate, "Wait, stop. Lord… Tsath..um Wait!" She came up beside

Hellboy who looked at her in surprise. She grimaced, shaking her hands painfully and turned toward the creature. "You, Lord whosit. What did you say just now? About the world?"

The hooded creature seemed equally surprised at this interruption. "That I will not let you end it?"

"Right, that. What did you mean by that?"

"Kate," muttered Hellboy, _sotto voce_. "I get this from time to time. It has to do with Righty here. I'll explain later…"

The hooded creature ignored this but gestured dramatically at the dimensional rift. "You may care so little for the earth that you allow it to be consumed by this abomination! But I will stop you if it is in my power!"

Hellboy lowered his white-dusted fist and raised his eyebrows in surprise. "You don't know me? It's about this waterwheel dealy?" He waved at the luminous gate. "String theory?" A whirling ball of green lightning spurted out of it and through the ceiling.

"Yes!" exclaimed the hooded creature. "This will swallow the world!" The toadheaded being wrung its webbed hands. "I was too slow. I could not prevent it from coming into being. I could not capture its makers before they had brought it forth. But now I must end it!" He turned back to Hellboy and again began to make symbols in the air.

"Wait, wait!" exclaimed Kate. "We don't need to fight. We don't like that thing either! We want it to stop too!

"Yeah," said Hellboy, blinking from the white dust in his eyes. He held up his mismatched palms. "Peace."

The creature lowered its hands, considering. "What did you say your name was?" asked Kate.

"Lord Tsathoudda," it answered moistly.

"Sathoudd… dad?," Kate said tentatively back.

"Tathoddobo?" tried Abe.

"Listen Toadheaddo," said Hellboy. He brushed at himself ineffectually; the shoggoth goo, water from the fire pipes and sap from dozens of root creatures had left his entire body sticky. The white powder from the fire extinguisher stuck to him everywhere. "I'm glad we could get on the same page. Now what's your plan to make this thing stop?"

Toadhead turned to face the dimensional gate, the bright green and orange light casting shadows off the warty lumps on his face. He seemed to be considering.

"Think it over," said Kate. She picked back up Munir's head with a grimace, handing Hellboy back his pistol. "My arms are one big bruise. That thing is too much for mere mortals."

"Like Ulysses bow," said Abe. "Only Ulysses could use it."

"Yeah, except Kate just used the heck out of it. I gotta remember that kneecapping trick. Hellboy checked the magazine, which had one bullet left. "It just used her back. Kate, we need to get you a bigger gun. Maybe two guns. Like – who is that lady?"

"Lara Croft?" guessed Kate.

Hellboy shook his head. "No, no. The chimp lady. Abe, you were with her in Zaire for that thing."

"Jane Goodall," said Abe.

Hellboy snapped his fingers with a sound like a billiards break. "Jane Goodall! We'll find out from Lindsey what she carries and get you a couple. " said Hellboy.

Kate looked at Hellboy incredulously. "You didn't know she was BRPD?" he asked. "She and those apes are a force to be reckoned with. They can bite like you would not believe!"

"Just the chimps bite," observed Abe.

"I don't know," said Kate. "Really I'm more the scholarly type. Bookish."

"Goodall has a PhD too, you know," Hellboy went on. "You two are a lot alike. Brainy. Kick monster butt. Natural blondes."

"Hang out with big apes," added Kate.

Hellboy paused. "I think you hurt Abe's feelings," he said accusingly.

This exchange was cut short by a wet "PHLLLAPPP" emanating from under Kate's arm.

Munir the head pursed his lips and on bringing them together the ongoing suction from the dustbuster caused him to make a somewhat bloody inverted Bronx cheer, getting the attention of the BPRD team. "The bomb idea could work," he squeaked. "The rift should absorb a lot of the blast. There's a bomb at Los Alamos. I think."

"Really?" asked Kate. Kate lifted the head so it could look at the three of them, as well as Lord Toadhead.

Hellboy nodded. "Yeah, I heard that too. They got all sorts of stuff. That Area 51 crap…" Abe cleared his throat and looked meaningfully at Munir the head. "Right, right. Bombs are what they got. Just bombs. But I don't know where they keep them. Munir, you?"

It looked like Munir was trying to shake his head, but he did not have any leverage.

"I know!" said Kate excitedly. She turned back to Lord Toadhead, who had been standing a little ways off, watching anxiously. "Lord Toadhead - how did you track down these engineers? Like Munir here." She wiggled Munir for emphasis. "How did you and your smelly servant thinger guys," she indicated the huge root creature pinned down by the wheel of the fire truck, where it seemed to have accepted its fate.. "know where they were?"

Toadhead reached under his robes and produced a squat black toad. It stared at Kate with one small and one big eye. She stepped back apprehensively. The toad's big eye was cloudy and swirling. "One can look into the Eye and see," said Toadhead. "This is how I found them."

Hellboy indicated the toad. "That thing was in your pocket? I thought I was bad." He stepped up to look at it. The toad cowered, hiding its head in Lord Toadhead's palms. Hellboy looked up, then back down. "How do you work it, now?" He prodded it with a stone finger. The toad shrank away. "Um..bombs?" asked Hellboy in a small voice. He looked questioningly at Lord Toadhead.

Kate stepped up. "Let me try. I think it likes me better."

Hellboy squinted suspiciously at the toad and Lord Toadhead, then motioned to Abe. "Pull her back quick if she starts getting toadified," he muttered. Abe moved into position.

Kate leaned forward and the toad raised its eyes to regard her. "Ok, I am thinking of bombs in Los Alamos. I have never been to Los Alamos but I am thinking of it , and of bombs." The eye swirled, then cleared.

"Hey, let me see!" squeaked Munir. Kate held the severed head up alongside hers.

"This is pretty cool," she said, squinting at the toad. "Munir, does that look like bomb?"

"Could be a bomb," squeaked Munir. "I bet it is."

Kate made a moue. "I can't believe it. I thought they cleaned all that stuff out of there in the 1980s."

"Good thing for us they're always misplacing stuff like that," said Hellboy. "Disk drives, computers, bombs."

"Ok, so there they are. And not far from here. How do we get one, fast?"

"Well," said Hellboy, pawing again at the white fire extinguisher powder stuck to his coat, "we can ask for one, and wait while they talk it over, or take one and explain later."

"We can take," said Lord Toadhead. "We will come from beneath, as we did to capture these." He indicated Munir.

"It's still a long away to Los Alamos," said Hellboy. "It'll take us days on foot." He looked hopefully at the fire truck, which still had its cherries on.

Toadhead raised a webbed hand, which shimmered vaguely. "Leave that to me."

"That's a plan," said Abe. He moved to join Hellboy and they started down the tunnel.

"Wait," said Kate. "What about them?" She motioned towards the quiche of engineers, which had been inching closer to the group. "It will be scary here, with that rift thing and the dead shoggoth, if it's all the way dead."

"Someone should stay," nodded Hellboy.

"I'll stay," said Kate. She held out Munir the head to Abe. "Here. You guys might need Munir."

Abe looked solemnly at the head and attached Dustbuster, smeared with gore and filth. "I'll stay," he stated. "In case there's trouble on this side. You go, Kate."


	13. Chapter 13

13

Lord Toadhead quickly reassembled his root minions into the small versions of themselves, quite a bit worse for the wear, and they returned to the pit, the two BPRD agents following. Several long creatures like giant tapeworms slithered out of the dark, their toothless mouths gaping. Toadhead indicated the tunnel wall and the creatures began to take bites, the lumps of rock moving off down their bodies peristaltically. It was amazingly fast, and the agents together with Lord Toadhead and the gray root creatures followed along behind the burrowing creatures. Periodically Toadhead would raise his hands and say some words which made the walls of the tunnel shimmer.

After only an hour, the tunnel curved up and soon they were beneath poured concrete. Here the root creatures took over, picking at the concrete with their hands. Hellboy and Kate eased out of the tunnel into the darkness. Their Mini maglights illuminated a large empty room. Among several vehicles and stacks of boxes was a gleaming cylinder.

"Bingo," said Hellboy.

"Stealing from the Army." said Kate. "I don't know,"

"Its for a good cause." said Hellboy. They moved towards the cylinder, the root creatures and Lord Toadhead bringing up the rear. Suddenly the lights came on.

"Stop! You aren't allowed to be here!" Three uniformed soldiers came running at them. Hellboy looked down at himself, still covered with white powder, then at Kate, smeared with blood and carrying the head of Munir under her arm. He sighed. Then he stepped up to meet the soldiers, swatting the first back into the others with the open Right Hand. The root creatures swarmed up and over them, deftly wrapping them in pink membranes.

"Dang it all," said Hellboy, looking down at the shouting soldiers. "Listen you guys, it's going to be ok. Just hang in there. We're good guys."

As the root creatures began to haul the soldiers back down into the hole, Kate stepped up to Lord Toadhead. "Uh, Lord Toadhead, how about you leave them here? You don't really need anymore um…quiche, do you?"

Toadhead considered, and then made a motion. "Yes. We must make haste." The soldiers were piled against a wall and instead the root creatures lifted the bomb, wrapping it in the pink sheets and moving it off down the tunnel."

As they moved back into the tunnel, Kate shifted her grip on Munir. She looked at the severed head, then looked up at Hellboy in startled realization. "Hellboy, that was it, wasn't it. It happened just like that fairy nurse showed us."

"What fairy nurse?" squeaked Munir. "Is that the blue guy?"

Hellboy kept moving. "Yes. Yes it did."

"Even though we were going to try not to do those things we did them anyway." Kate was getting upset and her voice shook. "But what does that mean? Do we even have a choice? What does it matter what we do if…"

Hellboy stopped and put a hand on Kate's shoulder, turning her to face him. "Listen. We all have a future. Some of it is bad. Everyone is going to finish up some day. But if you spend your time trying to avoid it, that's time you could have used to do good right now. " Hellboy looked her in the eye. "That's what we do, you and me. We do good right now."

Kate composed herself and nodded. As they moved along, the silence was broken only by the scrabbling feet of the root creatures carrying the bomb. Finally Kate spoke again. "That was pretty deep, Hellboy. Thanks."

"There's more to me than just dancing skills," answered Hellboy with a sidelong grin.

Back in Dimension Power the gate had developed a violet hue in the center. Instead of a chaotic sparkling, there was more of a rotation to the energy, as though it were becoming a vortex. From time to time vague forms could be seen moving on the other side. Abe squatted next to the engineer quiche, a chessboard between them. He held a styrofoam cup, and more cups were set next to the quiche at intervals corresponding to the protruding heads.

"Abe!" hailed Hellboy. "How you doing?"

"Losing," said Abe. "These guys are good. Coffee?" He approached with a carafe and some cups. Kate and Hellboy both accepted a cup. Toadhead declined.

"This hits the spot, Abe. You're a life saver," said Kate, sipping her cup passionately. "Sorry Munir, none for you. Not sure where it would go."

Hellboy looked curiously at the dark ceiling. "How did you make coffee with the power off?"

"I figured something out," answered Abe. "Did you find the bomb?"

The root creatures hauled the bomb out of the hole and Lord Toadhead walked a circle around it.

Hellboy looked it over. "How do we set it off?" he asked.

"You're asking me?" said Kate.

"It was your idea," said Hellboy.

"Theres a pin," said Abe. "We could pull it."

Kate made a worried frown. " I was sort of hoping for a timer."

Munir made a squeaking grunt. "There's no way this thing has a pin like a grenade. It's going to have some sort of computer."

Lord Toadhead had walked two full circles around the bomb. "This device does contain an amazing power. Perhaps we must set it ablaze. I can summon the dark fire..." He raised his arms but Hellboy stepped over and waved him down.

"No, no. No dark fire." He paused. "Or maybe yes? Kate? Do you have that mobile phone? Maybe we could call someone?

"How big a bomb is this?" asked Munir. "The rift will soak up some of the blast, but…"

"Yeah, we should have BPRD call the police," said Kate. "Get them to clear the area."

"The phones are still out," said Abe. He pointed toward the gate, and as he did a long sparkling tendril reached out and latched onto the bomb. It whisked it towards the dimensional rift. The bomb was gone before any of them could make a move.


	14. Chapter 14

14.

The group stared at the rift, which continued to shimmer and sparkle.

Kate gasped. "What? That stinks!"

"Did something within hear our scheme?" asked Toadhead. "Perhaps it has grown in strength, and it thwarted our plan."

"I slapped those soldiers for nothing," growled Hellboy. "Ok, plan B."

Munir broke with his Bronx cheer. "Hey, Hellboy! How about those artifacts you were talking about? With the power? Maybe we could get one of them?"

Hellboy looked at Abe for a moment, then reached into his coat and withdrew a steel Schlitz Malt Liquor can. The top had been removed. Wadded within was a lime green Wonderbra. Hellboy tugged it loose.

"Who does that belong to!" spat Kate, glaring indignantly at Hellboy.

Hellboy shook the bra out and proffered it to Kate. "You. Sorry. It's still good." Kate was speechless. She looked at Abe, who was pointedly studying the dimensional rift. Then she snatched the bra out of Hellboy's hand and tucked it into a pocket. Hellboy reached into the malt liquor can and removed a small terra cotta figurine. It was a depiction of a scowling horrible gnome, with a huge head and protuberant belly.

Lord Toadhead picked it up. "It is the Great Chthon." he pronounced wonderingly.

"Will it work?" asked Hellboy.

Toadhead turned, took a step and dropped the figurine on the floor. As it cracked he stepped back.

Surging up from the ground came an enormous rocky humanoid, sand and rubble coursing down its sides. It had a huge misshapen head with a great maw. Glowing green eyes shone from its lump of a face. "FREE! I AM FINALLY FREE! AT LAST I AM FREE!" it bellowed earshatteringly. Abe looked at Hellboy, who quietly retrieved a second can of Schlitz Malt Liquor from his coat. He placed it gently on a nearby desktop, sliding it away to arm's length. Chthon raised his arms, bursting the roof in a shower of gravel. "NOW! NOW MORE AIR! NO MORE WATER! ONLY EARTH! ROCKS, DIRT, SAND AND EARTH!"

Hellboy grimaced at the noise. He looked at Kate, who was covering one of her ears with one hand and one of Munir's with the other. "These guys are always so happy when they're free. But it's not enough to eat at Arby's and get laid – no, its always the unspeakable horror thing first."

"Arby's and get laid works for me," noted Abe.

Kate turned to Lord Toadhead and indicated Chthon, who continued to rant. "Are you going to ask him to help with this rift?"

"What?" asked Toadhead. It was hard to hear over Chthon's loud exultations.

Then a green and orange sparkling tentacle snaked out of the dimensional rift and wrapped around Chthon's head. "EH?" he exclaimed. The Great Chthon was jerked off his feet and into the glowing hole. There was silence. The brilliant sparkling coruscations from the rift stopped too, and the Quonset hut was lit only by the rotating cherries on the fire truck, which Abe had left on. Stars could be seen through the hole in the roof.

"Toadhead?" asked Kate. "Is that what he's supposed to do?" She indicated Chthon, or what could be seen of him.

Toadhead said nothing, staring at the place where the rift had been. Hellboy walked over to the spot in the air. In its place was a wall of rock, hanging seemingly unsupported. "I think he plugged it up." He picked up a three ring binder and tapped on the wall of rock. "I think the Great Chthon is wedged in there good and tight."

Abe regarded the wall of rock. "What part of him is that?"

"Not his yaphole," said Hellboy. "Or we would still hear him yapping."

"I dont think Chthon meant to plug that hole," said Kate. "I think a sparkagator grabbed him and pulled him in, just like the bomb. Now he's stuck there by the pressure."

"The eyes," squeaked Munir, whose dustbuster was failing. "Did you see them glow? Radioactive. Like the bomb. And the smoke detectors."

"His eyes, huh?" Hellboy rubbed his own eyes. "That's rough. I actually feel sorry for old Chthon. Not that I want to spring him or anything."

The rock wall shifted. "We're not done," said Abe.

Hellboy nodded. "Yeah. Chthon got the hole plugged but now we have to seal it up. Lord Toadhead, any ideas? Lord Toadhead produced a fragment of clay tablet covered with cuneiform letters and consulted it closely, mumbling. Hellboy waited a moment as Toadhead continued to mumble. "Like that, is it? Well you did good with Chthon there."

Kate looked at Munir, who looked back at her. "Wait, I do have an idea," she said.

Hellboy nodded. "Got the same idea." He walked over to Lord Toadhead. "Say Toady, this thing you made- " he indicated the quiche of body parts in the corner. Those heads attached at the proper angle had been watching events. One hand held a styrofoam cup. It was trying to move on its castor wheel but having little success. "I'm sure its good for what its good for, but maybe if you put them back together they could help turn this off for good. Save the earth and all. I think they've learned their lesson. So what say?"

Toadhead looked over the quiche. "Yes. It can be done." He motioned to the gray root creatures, who moved forwards toward the quiche.

"You'll need this," said Kate. Munir rolled his eyes as Kate handed his head to a gray creature.

Within a few minutes, eight engineers were standing around in torn and bloody clothes, looking stunned. All seemed in reasonable shape, considering. Abe passed out white painters smocks and bottles of water he had collected from a vending machine.

"How do you guys feel?" asked Kate. "OK?"

Munir worked his jaw and felt his neck. "Yeah, I guess so. That was really weird."

"That sums it up," said Hellboy. He retrieved his brass castor wheel, wiped it off on his coattail and put it back in a pocket.

Abe pointed at a pillow-sized lump which remained among the burnt tubes and flat plates of the quiche. "There's some left."

One of the engineers was tightening his belt a few notches. "I think that's mine," he said. "But I'm good."

"I guess we could bring it to headquarters," said Kate. "In a bag. Unless you guys want it? " He looked at Lord Toadhead who made a dismissive gesture.

"Say, what happened to that Dustbuster?" asked Munir. It was not in evidence.

Hellboy clapped his hands twice. "Breaktime is over, boys" said Hellboy. "Time to shut this thing down." The engineers went to work, and soon the rock wall disappeared from view as what remained of the rift vanished.

"There goes Chthon," said Hellboy. "I hope he can sort things out over there." Hellboy turned to Lord Toadhead. "Well Toady, you can't judge a book by its cover. Of all people, I should know that. You turned out ok. We couldn't have saved the world without your help."

"It may be that if I had done things differently, we could have allied ourselves from the start," said Toadhead. "But I have never tried to save the world before. I did not know how."

"You're a beginner," said Hellboy. "These things take practice." He pulled out a hastily wrapped package. "Listen, I'm sorry I banged up your gold mask. Maybe you can try this. It's not as pretty, but it might get you by."

Toadhead opened it. Within were a respirator mask and fireman's helmet borrowed from the truck. He put them on. "Yes," he said. "These will do. They are better than my mask ever was." He handed the battered brass mask to Hellboy.

"Keep it, and remember that you have an ally under the earth." Then Toadhead moved down into the tunnel, the red fire helmet bobbing above the gray white root creatures crowded around him.

"That was nice of you, Hellboy" said Kate.

"Hellboy, buddies with a monster," observed Abe dryly.

"Hey, I hang out with you, don't I?" He gave the brass mask a quick spitshine. "And you," he grinned at Kate.

The engineers, having shut down the dimensional gate, sat around dejectedly. Abe walked over to them. In his hands was a glowing jewel. "Maybe you can use this."

Hellboy gaped. "That jewel! From that mummified whale head! Where the heck were you keeping that, Abe?"

Abe addressed the engineers. "You can change how hot it gets…like so." He showed them the trick. "It can get pretty hot. I'm not sure how hot. Too hot to hold. I don't know about all of Vegas but it should be good for something here. There's a lot of energy."

Munir took the jewel and held it in his palm, then closed his fist around it. "Toasty warm," he commented. Engineers crowded around. One attached a set of alligator clips hooked to some device, producing an appreciate murmur and a low whistle from the others.

Realization spread over ellboyHellboy's craggy visage. "Not necessarily, he says! Abraham! You..sly..dog!" he said, wagging his stone index finger at Abe.

Abe almost cracked a smile. "I might take you up on that turtleneck. It's chilly all of a sudden." He produced a set of keys and jingled them. "Who wants to take the fire truck back with me?"

Kate looked over the front grille, which was badly dented from Abe's grand entrance, and caked like a neglected barbecue with black gooey shoggoth bits. "You think they'll still want it?"

Hellboy swung up to ride on the outside, holding on to a bar with the Right Hand. "Maybe they'll sell it to us cheap. This truck is great." He noticed Munir watching from the group of engineers. "Yo Munir!" he called. "Come on! Arby's has got breakfast!"


	15. Epilogue

Epilogue

Kate reached for another orange circus peanut, munching as she drove past a series of small white buildings and demolished brick foundations. The gravel road followed the river, offering a beautiful view of the high plains. "So she was very much a bad winner, and very well preserved for her age, but she was not a witch,"

"Which was lucky for those idiots or they would have been toads," Hellboy interrupted through a mouthful of circus peanuts.

Kate slowed as a pair of tumbleweeds crossed in front of them. The weeds lodged against a weathered sign reading "HANFORD SITE" before tumbling on their way. "But the thing is - why was she feeding blood to her garden?"

"Lots of people feed blood to their gardens," said Hellboy. "You can buy it at Ace. Blood meal. Big bags."

"You mean bone meal," said Kate. "Gram put that on her roses."

"That too," said Hellboy. "Bone meal, blood meal, brain meal - vegetables love it all. We're lucky they've got roots or they'd be coming for us."

"Maybe so," said Kate. "But I wonder why she went to the trouble of getting it from goats."

"Old school I guess. It worked for her rutabagas. Here we are." Hellboy grabbed a few more circus peanuts with his left hand and tucked them in a coat pocket.

The Town car pulled into a gravel parking lot next to a long low building. Kate and Hellboy emerged from the car, stretching after the long drive. It was a cold clear day in Colorado, and the sun caught Kate's hair. "Your hair looks great, Kate," said Hellboy.

Kate smiled. "You think so?" She tossed her head overdramatically. ""Took you long enough to notice. I went to Abe."

"What?" exclaimed Hellboy. "Old Baldy?"

"It turns out he does a lot of hair. Like your little friend Lindsey in the armory."

Hellboy chuckled. "That Abe is full of surprises."

A small, worried man emerged from the building, pausing only to light a cigarette before hurrying over to meet them. He looked as though he had not slept in some time. "Hellboy! They didn't say it would be you! Well, good. We have a real problem here. Follow me."

He took Kate and Hellboy into the building. Inside was a shabby office, and further in was a room with a thick plexiglass window that offered a view of a large pool full of white cylinders. They were joined by several other men. "This is where we keep the real hot stuff," said the one who had come out to meet them. "This thing showed up about three days ago. Came right through the wall like a ghost." He pointed through the window. "We can't get it to leave. Nothing we've tried seems to bother it at all." Hovering over the cylinders of nuclear waste was a shimmering orange and green cloud. Occasional sparks and small balls of lightning flew from it, passing out through the walls and ceiling.

"Sparky!" cried Hellboy.

"So you know it!" said the man. "It's eating the nuclear waste and we can't make it stop! You have to help us."

"Why do you want to make it stop?" asked Kate.

The men looked at each other, then at the sparkling orange and green creature perched atop the holding pool. There was no immediate answer.

Hellboy put a hand on Kate's shoulder turning her to leave. "Hey, glad we could help! Call any time."

The agents left the building and headed back to the car. "That was great," said Hellboy. "Live and let live. I wish they all turned out…" He stopped midsentence.

Mixed in the gravel of the parking lot was a ring. It had not been there before. It was about 5 feet wide, made of stones, twigs and leaves. Some longer twigs were stuck into the ground to form an upright X.

Kate looked down at one of the stones. "Look Hellboy. It's a little arrowhead." She bent to pick it up but Hellboy stopped her. Two flowers were in the center of the circle - a spiky red bull thistle, and a smaller blue chicory flower.

"This is an invitation," said Hellboy.

Kate looked around the abandoned parking lot. "Do we take it?"

"I hate to go looking for trouble, but usually trouble doesn't send you flowers." He took Kate's hand. "Usually."

Kate nodded and they stepped together in the circle. Then they stood there. The car was still there. The building soaked up the bright autumn sun. Another tumbleweed bounced by. Kate looked around. "Nothing."

"Something," said HB. He pointed across the waste field next to the parking lot.

A little boy was walking rapidly across it. He was tiny, measuring only a foot tall. He wore soft blue clothes with little ducks on them, probably intended for a newborn baby. He walked to the circle and stopped on the far side. The BPRD agents could see that his skin was rough. Kate realized it was made of fingernails - thousands of tiny fingernails.

"You grew up fast," said Kate, kneeling to be at his level.

"Time does not pass for us as does for you." The boy bowed. "My mother calls you my godparents. She says without your help I never would have been born into the world."

"So I'm a fairy godfather," said Hellboy. "That's all right."

"I have a present for each of you," said the fairy. He produced two tiny jars, then took one and held it down, making clear that he was going to throw it. He tossed the jar in a gentle underhand across the ring to Kate.

She opened it to find butter. "What is this?" she asked.

"It is to protect you from beetles crawling into your ears when you are asleep," replied the boy with a smile.

Kate's eyes widened. "Oh! Well, good!" Quickly she applied the butter to her ears. There was some left, and she used it to anoint her nose as well.

The boy tossed the second jar to Hellboy, who caught it in his left hand. "This one is for you. It will protect you from the bite of a wild beast." Hellboy looked at the small jar, which probably had once contained some sort of lip balm. "My mother says she is sorry she could not make more," apologized the fairy boy.

Hellboy opened the jar and scrutinized the butter. "I think this might be OK. Excuse me." He turned his back on Kate and the fairy boy and bent his head. After a short pause he turned his head and called over his shoulder. "Yep, just enough! You tell your ma thanks!"


	16. Epi epilogue

Epi-epilogue

With a soprano crash, the recycling truck dumped its load of aluminum onto the conveyor belt. As the medley of beer and soda moved along, an overlying electromagnet plucked out the steel soup and bean cans from their midst. By quitting time a fair number had accumulate, and the magnet was switched off.

One steel can stood out from the rest – bigger, and with a rampant blue bull on the side. A worker picked it up. "Haven't seen one of these in a while," he said to himself. The top had been cut off and something pink stuffed inside. He pulled it out and laughed. Then he heard something still in the can rattle, and looked inside.


End file.
